| amateur |
[17 Jan 2009|10:10pm] |
I guess I'm still learning.
You're teaching me to hold back.
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| vomit. |
[25 Dec 2008|11:45pm] |
I'm tired of being terrified.
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| here comes the sun |
[24 Dec 2008|02:32am] |
I realize that it's been a ridiculous amount of time since I've updated, and would apologize to all of my readers, but being that there aren't really any, I'd be wasting my breath (or text).
I have had such a strong urge to travel these past few weeks, and wish so much that I could quench this thirst. I realize I have traveled more this past semester than I have in quite a few years (Tennessee and California within a two month period), but even so, this traveling has not quite been what I'm craving. I assure you I'm not complaining. I'm so lucky to finally be financially stable enough to take the trips that I have, and be able to still live comfortably upon return, but both were to places I've already been.
I want to see something new. I want to experience a culture I've yet to.
I miss it.
A few days ago Chip and I brought Charlie to the train station to send him on his way home. I wanted so much to hop on that train and head north with him. Of course part of the reason was simply because I love spending time with Charlie, but a huge part of it was just the fact that a train ride to Michigan sounds exactly like something I need right now. Even if I were to immediately get on a train back to New Orleans two hours after reaching my destination, it'd be worthwhile.
I am slowly getting back into the routine of doing the things that I used to, and needed to, but have lost the importance of for various reasons.
It feels marvelous.
______
I never would have thought that it'd be as difficult as it is to put myself out there again. To truly allow another to know me again.
Ongoing frustrations that had been taking place for a little over three years had finally and truly come to an end this past July, and a huge part of me didn't really believe it until recent events.
I'm trying to let the negative go, and not allow those grudges and fears towards another to pass on to my current endeavors.
It's just so damn hard not to though.
I resent how much the past situation has instilled in me such difficulty with allowing myself to trust another. It's such a task to overcome whatever it is that is holding me back.
I honestly didn't realize I was still sifting through the remains of what was left until you asked to help.
I'm so grateful.
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| a trip for you! |
[12 Nov 2008|09:17am] |
I'm going to Los Angeles from November 27th- December 1st and I'm looking for someone to come with meeeee.
We've rented an apartment, so you don't have to worry about paying for a place to stay. You're plane ticket and food there would be all your expenses.
It's going to be pretty busy, so if you're interested and would like to know what the plans are so far just send me a message.
Please come with me!
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| la luz de la luna |
[11 Nov 2008|03:58am] |
I just got back from work.
It's 3:33am.
My schedule right now is nothing short of ridiculous.
I better it cherish though, because in four weeks time I am probably going to be bored out of my mind.
There's a gas station in Metarie that I always pass on my way to back to my apartment after work that has the BEST coffee. I only get it on nights like tonight when I know that I'm going to have to stay up, that way I have something to look forward to. :) It kinda makes me wish that I was required to have more nights like tonight (that's a lie).
Something has gone astray.
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| close on Sundays |
[09 Nov 2008|12:41pm] |
In the top ten best things about the winter season, there is no way that these aren't included.
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| stuck in reverse |
[06 Nov 2008|02:44am] |
It's 2:52am and I still have a paper to write for my Psych class at eleven. Here I am, though, still putting it off. I don't understand why it's so difficult for me to just sit down and do schoolwork as of late. It's nearly impossible to find the willpower to do it.
(Yes, I realize that me sitting here writing about how I consistently put off schoolwork is another form of myself putting off schoolwork)
I super miss taking the day off to do nothing. It's silly though, because as soon as I have longer than an hour of free time, I find myself bored.
I talked to Tom for the first time in a while last night. I can't decide if it made me miss him more or not haha. As soon as I heard his voice say, "HEY DORTH!!!" I immediately remembered how much I need him in my life. The situation is nothing short of ridiculous. Sigh. No worries.
Come what may!
Over the past few weeks I have found two 1 oz. containers of Play-Doh. The first was red, the second, orange. I found another today, this time black. Each time has been increasingly peculiar. Part of me wants to think that I just happen to be coming across these things, but another part of me thinks that someone is secretly planting these Fun-sized containers of Play-Doh purposefully in my path. I've been dating the containers as I find them. I really hope I'll collect all the colors before the semester is completed. I'll let you know of any future occurrences. =P
Oh, I think it goes without saying...
I raise my voice among all the others in celebration of Obama's victory. The vast difference in the number of votes for each candidate alone has given me a bit more faith in the fellow citizens of this country. I am very interested to see where this is going to lead us.
I guess I better write this paper of mine before time somehow slips away from me, as it usually does.
For your health,
Dorth.
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| some days last longer than others |
[03 Nov 2008|01:17pm] |
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I've been spreading myself way too thin as of late.
Though I love being busy, there comes a point where too much is too much. I know that sooner or later I'm going to have to cut something, but I can't even begin to think of what'd that be. There's nothing that can go.
Between filming, work, and school, there's nothing I can or want to give up.
Either way, however, sooner or later something has to be modified.
I still manage to fit in miniphoto journeys, but not like I used to, or would like to. That's the first sign that I need to make time for myself once more.
My mom's wedding is fast approaching, and my level of anxiety increases. Though I'm honored that she wants me to photograph it, I can't even begin to express how nervous it makes me.
I don't want to miss anything.
Step #1: Reprioritize.  |
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| Fidelity. |
[07 Oct 2007|01:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hopeful |
] |
I hear in my mind
all of these voices.
I hear in my mind
all of these words.
I hear in my mind
all of this music.
and it breaks my heart.
It breaks my heart.
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| They don't laugh at jokes, they laugh at tragedies |
[06 Oct 2007|12:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 determined |
] |
Every once and again there are those moments where I yearn for what I don't have, and it tears me apart knowing that I no longer have it. At least right now.
But for once in my life I'm going to stop thinking into things. For once in my life I'm going to put all of my worries and lay them in the trust I have for the situation.
I asked for complete honesty, and I am trusting that is what I recieved. I am trusting that all that was said was meant. I am trusting that every action that happened was an honest action. If I trust in that, then I have no worries.
As Steven Colbert quoted from the Sermon on the Mount, "Who amoung you, by worrying, can change a hair on his head?"
That phrase means so much, and right now I'm going to live by it.
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| Just like our favorite song, you led me home. |
[15 Jul 2007|11:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sad |
] |
"Cease trying to work out everything with your minds.
It will get you nowhere.
Live by intuition and inspiration and let your whole life be Revelation.
I know that I am blessed with a yearning.
I shall never be stagnant.
I shall never stop seeking, learning, experiencing, growing, hearing, seeing, wondering, thinking, pondering, or imagining, no matter what my age,
financial status, health, nor any other circumstances.
It is how I know that I am alive.
Life is alive, it is in motion.
Like the name of the almighty, life is a verb, not a noun. It is something that is happening, not something that has happened.
When we know all there is to be known, when we have done what is to be done, tasted what is to be tasted, seen what is to be seen, we are surely dead"
- William Peter Brignac.
I miss him.
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dorthland's journal
